First off, let me say that I have strayed far from the medifast plan. With the stress of last week, I had wine more than I should (which is never), and that often led to late night munchies. Yes, I fell off the wagon. Weird, my back hurt worse this week than it has in a while, and I've felt yucky. Hmmm, any connection. Have I mentioned that I'm actually allergic to brewers yeast? Well, I am. Wonder why I feel bad when I'm drinking wine? It's a problem I may never solve.....
But, I'm back on the old wagon today! I had my medifast meals, and had lean and green for dinner. No wine tonight despite having the phones go out at the office today. Yes, indeed, last week the technology gods graced us with computer nightmares all week, and this week, the communication gods have taken out our phones. But, hey, we had incoming fax capability for a whole day!!! Woohoo!! Please be patient with your doctors, ladies and gentlemen, if they do not respond to your queries in a timely manner - we have to deal with stuff like this on a daily basis. UGH!
Phil made dinner tonight, and it was AMAZING! He made two different dishes because he couldn't figure out what he wanted. The first was shrimp with XO sauce and mushrooms. (XO sauce is made from fermented scallops, soy sauce, sugar, and some spices - sounds terrible, but it's SOOOO good!) He also made oysters in a scallion and garlic sauce with just a spoonful of hoisin sauce. He served both of these in "lettuce wrap" form with spaghetti squash, and cilantro as a filler and sriracha or garlic chili as a condiment. It was so good. Just like eating at a traditional Chinese restaurant - not local Chinese, but Chinatown Chinese. Yummy. I'm going to finish the night with some vanilla pudding with a little sugar free chocolate sauce and peanut butter mixed in. To drink - NO WINE - just big glasses of water.
The kids had steak and roasted fingerling potatoes with cucumbers. They are showering, homeworking, practicing piano, finishing projects, and getting dessert. It's SOOOO nice to be home in the evening for a change. Phil is sleeping on the couch as he's just gotten off of a nights only work week. 7pm-7am for 7 days, plus with the computers and wrestling tournaments, he wasn't able to sleep during the day much. He's exhausted. I am too, but feel kind of bad complaining after the week he's had. Good thing I have a blog.
Among my stresses in the past couple of weeks was a young girl who presented to my office after having had intercourse for the first time. I hope no one who reads this thinks I'm talking about their child. Honestly, at least once to twice a week, I see something like this. I wanted to bring this up in my blog because these things disturb me on so many levels. When I have a girl in the office for a well child appointment at age 12, I kick the parents out and have a good heart to heart with her. I discuss sex, drugs, and rock and roll. More importantly, I discuss respect for yourself and safety in sexual and party type situations. To some of you, age 12 might seem kind of young for this discussion, but after you've delivered a couple of babies to 12 year olds (realizing that they had sex at 11), you start to think differently. Anyhow, this was one of those girls that I'd had the discussion with some years ago.
I was upset because I always feel like I've failed when a young girl comes in after having made such a poor decision. I enjoy adolescent medicine because I am a big proponent of primary prevention. I really feel like if I can get involved in a young person's life and educate that person, I could really make a difference to them. I discuss herpes, genital warts, HIV, pregnancy, statistics, condoms, love, orgasm, and again, RESPECT. It's not so much the sex itself, it's the way it was handled. There was no protection used at all. I asked the girl if it was her boyfriend, and she said, "No, just some guy." It was very disappointing to me. Honestly, I would have felt better if the girl had said, "Yes, I really love him!" Even if she is young, I would have liked it better if there was a "good" reason. She was not upset about it, nor was she happy - it was what it was. So strange. I'm not old fashioned, I just wish that more girls would have more respect for their bodies and their reputations.
Anyhow, I was also upset because I realize how close my daughter is to that age. I've been discussing sex with her for some time. She asks questions and I answer them honestly. I'd rather that I answer them than have her ask her schoolmates and get poor answers. It is always in the back of my mind, though. Growing up, I thought that only the "bad" kids were having sex in Middle school and early high school. As a doctor, I realize that poor decision making does not have educational, socioeconomic, or religious boundaries. It scares the living hell out of me that my daughter and her friends are 1-2 years away from being faced with these kind of decisions. Some of Emma's classmates are already wearing padded bras, high heels, makeup, and suggestive clothes. There are a lot of middle school kids that look like they're in their 20s.
Maybe it was the circles that I ran in, but I don't remember as much pre teen sexuality when I was a kid. I know one girl who got pregnant in middle school, and she dropped out. We all thought she was a REALLY BAD girl. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was going on and I just wasn't aware. I know people were having sex in high school. I wasn't, but I didn't think people were so bad who were. But, Middle School? Really? Are these kids mature enough to make that kind of decision? I certainly don't think so. I can't imagine Emma making this kind of decision next year or the year after or 5 years from now.
Maybe I am old fashioned. I don't know. I just hate to see these young girls coming into my office with such poor attitudes toward sex. I do have a lot of young girls who are making good decisions. I wish I could put my finger on what the difference is between these groups are. It's not education. It's not parenting. It's not socioeconomic status. What makes one girl have such little respect for herself and another girl not? I guess if I could figure this out, I'd be a millionaire and we'd have a lot fewer young women with pregnancies, cervical cancer, and herpes.
Anyhow, I guess this is for all the moms out there who have had to deal with this or will have to deal with it. I'm sending a big hug out to all of you because I know I'm going to need one when the time comes.
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy Emma's youth and her youthful-ness and try really hard not to make her grow up too fast!
Dr. Mindy
Well, I have to agree that there are a lot more girls out there that have little respect for themselves these days. As a parent of a teenage girl, I have seen first hand some of my daughter's friends that dress a little too revealing as well as talk and act older than they are. I try my best to talk to my daughter and answer her questions, but today's world is a very scary place for teenage girls, and their parents!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I must say, I do appreciate how you deal with teenage girls and talk to them openly about everything when they are brought into your office. As a parent, I thank you for that!
We talk so much about teaching girls to respect themselves and knowing how to deal with these situations when they come up. We expect and hope that our daughters will make good choices and hope and pray that we have taught them everything they need to know. I agree completely with all of this, but I also have a son who needs to be taught the same thing. I am afraid that we often forget the second half and equally important part of the equation. Boys need to be taught to respect themselves and the girls that they come into contact with. I think we often forget them because some of the consequences are not as dire to them as they are to girls. I just think if they are all taught respect for each other then the encounters that we hope they avoid until they are mature enough to deal with them will lessen. Just my thoughts on everything. Vickie L
ReplyDeleteVickie,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself. I also have this discussion with boys in my practice, but truthfully, most boys want to see Phil once they reach a certain age. I think I'm too "motherly" with them. :-)
Self and interpersonal respect are so important in young people (as well as old). The things that children say and do to one another in middle and high school will make your toes curl. I hope that I've instilled in my children a respect for those around them as well as themselves, so that hopefully they'll be more of a solution than part of the problem.